Dear Analin,
I love you so much. I really want to hug you and kiss you.
Love, Joshua.
(Age 6)
Sunday, September 20, 2015
Friday, September 4, 2015
Flowers
Dear Analin,
Your baby brother was born healthy and handsome on 8/14/15, but I can't talk about that here. Not yet. My emotions between your loss and his birth are too raw right now, too mixed and dizzy. So we'll save that for another day.
Today we'll talk about flowers. I'm allergic to flowers, so they rarely come into my life outside of Nature. Today was an exception because your grandma had surgery this past week and is now home, so your brothers and daddy decided she needed some flowers to help her feel better.
Of the whole family, it was decided I would go into the flower shop myself, after your daddy made sure I would survive it. ;-) So, in I went, breath held and fingers crossed.
On the plus side, there weren't that many flowers in the flower shop today because they will be closed for the holiday weekend. That also meant my selection was quick and relatively painless. The shop itself, on the other hand, was not.
I blinked a lot in that store, not to fight back the dry itchiness of allergies, but against the prick of tears.
Not being a regular visitor of these stores I forget what they are often used for. Sympathy.
There were pillows for tears, stones for memories, blankets and plush animals for comfort. All for loss.
It's not fair to be blindsided like that, in case you didn't know.
I had a few minutes to look around the store. One of the flowers in my arrangement needed to be replaced. I focused on some knitted leg warmers made in the local school colors for almost five minutes. I'm sure they expected me to buy some.
Eventually, the repaired arrangement came out. The florist said something or other about how to shape the flowers if I wanted to. I told him they were beautiful to get him to go away. I'd already paid so I could get out quickly, back out into the late summer and a heated breeze that helped dry my eyes.
I really don't like flowers.
Your grandma loved, them, though, so that's what matters. They were purple in a purple vase, her favorite colors. I bet purple would have been your favorite color, too. I just get the feeling you two would have been really close. She loves you so very much, there's no way you couldn't have been.
I love you, too. So very much it hurts. It hurts too much to tell you about your little brother, yet. But I will, I promise. I know you love him, too.
Forever, my sweet.
Mommy.
Your baby brother was born healthy and handsome on 8/14/15, but I can't talk about that here. Not yet. My emotions between your loss and his birth are too raw right now, too mixed and dizzy. So we'll save that for another day.
Today we'll talk about flowers. I'm allergic to flowers, so they rarely come into my life outside of Nature. Today was an exception because your grandma had surgery this past week and is now home, so your brothers and daddy decided she needed some flowers to help her feel better.
Of the whole family, it was decided I would go into the flower shop myself, after your daddy made sure I would survive it. ;-) So, in I went, breath held and fingers crossed.
On the plus side, there weren't that many flowers in the flower shop today because they will be closed for the holiday weekend. That also meant my selection was quick and relatively painless. The shop itself, on the other hand, was not.
I blinked a lot in that store, not to fight back the dry itchiness of allergies, but against the prick of tears.
Not being a regular visitor of these stores I forget what they are often used for. Sympathy.
There were pillows for tears, stones for memories, blankets and plush animals for comfort. All for loss.
It's not fair to be blindsided like that, in case you didn't know.
I had a few minutes to look around the store. One of the flowers in my arrangement needed to be replaced. I focused on some knitted leg warmers made in the local school colors for almost five minutes. I'm sure they expected me to buy some.
Eventually, the repaired arrangement came out. The florist said something or other about how to shape the flowers if I wanted to. I told him they were beautiful to get him to go away. I'd already paid so I could get out quickly, back out into the late summer and a heated breeze that helped dry my eyes.
I really don't like flowers.
Your grandma loved, them, though, so that's what matters. They were purple in a purple vase, her favorite colors. I bet purple would have been your favorite color, too. I just get the feeling you two would have been really close. She loves you so very much, there's no way you couldn't have been.
I love you, too. So very much it hurts. It hurts too much to tell you about your little brother, yet. But I will, I promise. I know you love him, too.
Forever, my sweet.
Mommy.
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