Christmas Letter 2014

Dear Analin,

I wonder how many people have been waiting for my letter to you today. To be honest, I just thought to write it. I wish it could be filled with the hope I'd put into Xavier's letter this year, but unfortunately, something happened.

Today the man you would have known as Pawpaw passed away. He has been sick for a while but it was a strange accident that sent him to the hospital where they helped ease him on. He had a big smile and rarely spoke without a joke, even if it wasn't quite the time for it. He will be missed by many.

His death has brought me back around to this time last year when we were struggling through the season. It brought me back to a great uncle's death just this past month. And others again, over the past year or so.

I wish I could be little again, young when death did not exist outside of fairy tales and could be healed with true love's kiss. I do not look forward to a time when bodies age and people who have known me longer than I've known them find their time to move on. Even when death does happen, it's distant to us and easily absorbed.

It is so sad when someone dies on Christmas. Everyone celebrates and your heart breaks into the glitter.

Death is natural. Some people claim to be okay with it. But I don't want to forget myself and those I love. I don't want to be forgotten by those who go before and after.* Whether it's an entrance to Heaven or a reincarnation that causes the loss of memory, I love what I have now. I love life and feel blessed to have such love around me. I suppose I won't care past the forgetting. I care now. A lot.

So, death as natural as it may be, sucks. To put it plainly. Even when it's time.

I love you to pieces, Analin. You and your brothers and our family. If there is a way to remember, I swear I will do it when it's my turn.

This is not the letter I wanted to write today. I'd rather tell you how proud I am of your brothers and their love for family in the spirit of giving. In the way they played together this morning rather than rush down to find what Santa left. Yet, here we are.

I will love you forever, my sweet.

Mommy.


*This thought follows something that has really bothered me today. The Pope recently announced all of God's creatures are welcome into Heaven and we will find our beloved pets there. In response, one poster quoted verses from the Bible stating that when we pass into Heaven, we forget ourselves and all whom we've known. I can't stand the thought, if you can't tell. It breaks my heart to think about and I pray this is one of those interpretations someone along the way got wrong. <3